Dear Confused & Tempted,

My advice would be slightly different if there were no kids involved, but I would still tell you to stop spending time with the older guy and focus on fixing your marriage first. Giving in to temptation now will only complicate your life and make things harder for you in the long run.

Ok, ask yourself some questions: What is more important to you, your children’s happiness or your sex life? Which do you value more, the experiences you’ve shared with your husband (falling in love, building a life together, having two kids), or the potential thrill you might experience with the other guy?

And if you give in to your temptation where does that leave you? You’ll have betrayed your husband and endangered the happiness your entire family just so you could heat up your sex life. There’s a good chance this older guy isn’t all he’s cracked up to be so you might be taking this huge risk for nothing. And even if no one ever finds out you’ll have to live with the guilt forever; you’ll be hiding something, which can be extremely stressful.

Granted, the two of you were married very young and you’re probably wondering what you missed out on. That’s normal.

The more difficult part will be figuring out what will really make you happy. It’s normal to want romance and a fulfilling sex life, but I think the fact that you are looking outside of your marriage to fix that might signal some other issues.

You mentioned that you think you and your husband have little in common. Maybe you’re looking for more intimacy with him or attention from him, which is reasonable. Or maybe you’re feeling unfulfilled in other areas of your life. Before you do anything, do some soul searching to see what’s really making you unhappy in your marriage.

Eventually you need to talk to your husband about all of this. He thinks you’re his soul mate; you think you have nothing in common. This reeks of a lack of communication in your marriage. The good news is that your husband seems to loves you very much and will probably be more than happy to work things out with you. Let him know you miss romance. Let him know you want to spend more time doing things together; this will help rebuild common interests. It might not get better overnight, but it’ll be worth the effort in the long run.

Good Luck!