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Humor, Fiction & Essays
Mom taught me how to keep a
Stiff Upper Lip. I think that’s an
English expression, “stiff upper lip,” but Mom is actually Scottish. The Scots
are a bunch of tough bastards. (09.24.01)
 False Teeth - My boyfriend has a set of fake
teeth and I hate them. The teeth are incredibly realistic and are molded
to look like a protruding set of rotting choppers.
 Toys R Us - Yesterday
I took my niece Vivian to Toys R Us to pick up an Elmo doll her parents said
she wanted. I’m not sure how much 'want' a 15 month old can truly express.
 I've
posted some letters originally published on
Loveandlearn.com. I've
answered some questions over there as a guest panelist. My handle is
"Vivi." My big secret is that I love to give relationship advice.
Friends and family are not usually amused by this, so I've resorted to
doling out advice anonymously on the internet. Believe me, some
people really need it! I've posted questions (and my
responses) from a woman who wants to
give her boyfriend a makeover, a woman
stuck on her rebound guy, a painfully
insecure woman in Vegas, and a woman
tempted by another man.
Commentary
Don't worry, it's not the Taliban, its just
a harmless homeless guy in San Francisco, a hustler
whose been at the same game for years, keep eating your tofu and peanut sauce.
(10.22.01)
Castro Street Fair - It seems that some
San Francisco city dwellers feel that no matter how X-rated their personal
habits are, their habits are somehow protected under the umbrella of "freedom
of expression." (10.17.01)
09.11.01 -
I haven't been able to put anything
down here for a couple of days because everything we say about how horrifying
this is is just so inconsequential compared to what those people must have
gone through. (09.14.01)
Reviews
We went to see Cirque du
Soleil's "O" last weekend, and no, "O" does not stand for "Oh my God!"
even though you'll find yourself saying that. (12.04.01)
Monsters Inc. I went into Monsters,
Inc. with high expectations, if only in regards to the graphics. I wasn't
disappointed. But I think the biggest mistake Pixar ever made was
giving us Toy Story as the standard. Will anything ever compare?
(11.15.01)
You're
running down Lombard street naked, except for a pair of wobbly platform sandals,
your old boss is chasing you and he's yelling out "where's your status report?!"
Just keep that feeling in mind when you see the new David Lynch film,
Mulholland Drive. (10.30.01)
Zoolander Review -
I wasn't expecting much, it
looked like a funny concept, everyone likes to poke fun at people they think
are more attractive then they are, especially models, and say they're all
stupid as logs. Don't waste your money.
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